Let My Sighs Give Way to Songs

On Thursday, September 27th, I stopped by my room in between classes to find that my beloved guinea pig, Francis, had passed away in his pigloo. I was devastated. For those of you that never had the pleasure of meeting Francis, he was the sweetest, most perfect guinea pig in the whole world. He was my special boy, my very best friend. Two days before our journey from my home in North Carolina to Vassar this fall semester, he had been diagnosed with a bladder infection. During those four weeks, I watched his health decline as I hand fed him antibiotics and critical care mix because he was refusing to eat even his favorite veggies. I spent hours a day caring for a pig that was seemingly healthy only a few weeks ago. It didn’t make sense. I gave him his medicine, I bought him all of the guinea pig “junk food” at Petsmart just to get him to eat something, and I even took him to a local vet when I noticed he wasn’t improving. The vet sent me home with another round of antibiotics and a routine that I diligently followed for the next two weeks, exactly as prescribed. Francis died the morning after his last dose. Again, I was devastated. I am still devastated. I met Francis in my freshman year of high school. He fit in the palm of my hand. Francis was always there for me. At home, he was my snuggle buddy, always ready to hang out and watch Netflix with me in my lap. At Vassar, he brought structure and order to my life. I slept through my alarms on more than one occasion, waking up instead to Francis fervently rattling his cage because it was time for his breakfast. When I lacked the motivation to go to club meetings or study, bringing Francis along with me made the process a little more bearable, even exciting at times. That little pig was my pride and joy.

 

So why would God take him from me?

 

This is a question that everyone faces in times of grief. I did everything right. I followed all of the instructions, I took every precaution, and yet there I was, sending my special boy home to NC in a cooler after Families’ Weekend. So what gives?

I’ve found that the best answer for me is that I don’t get to know. I believe that God has a plan for me. I must have faith in Him and allow myself to submit to His will.

From Proverbs 3:5-6:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

This may seem frightening to someone that’s unfamiliar with the religious doctrines surrounding divine influence versus free will, but in my conservative Presbyterian church, it is a way of life: Going through something scary? Don’t be afraid; It’s all part of God’s plan. Not sure what to do next? Pray on it – God will reveal his will for you. Feeling overwhelmed? God already has it all worked out. He won’t give you more than what you can handle.

From Jeremiah 29:11:

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

 

One of my most favorite Christian songs is “Satisfied in You (Psalm 42)” by the Sing Team. I especially love the bridge:

Let my sighs give way to songs that sing about Your faithfulness

Let my pain reveal Your glory as my only real rest

Let my losses show me all I truly have is You

‘Cause all I truly have is You

The first line in particular reminds me to step away from my worldly issues and take in the grace that God has given to me. Letting go of Francis has been one of the worst experiences in my life, but now I have been blessed with two new precious pigs, Guinea and Peach. I miss my Francy-Pants all the time, but I know that he is much happier now, and I get to focus all of the care and compassion that he taught me on these sweet little girls God has given to me. With wisdom from my past experiences and the grace of God within me, I am cautiously optimistic about what He has planned next.

 

Author:

Amy O’Connell, ‘20

At Vassar, Amy is a Computer Science major. As the music team leader of the VXF Servant Leaders Team, she also loves to play the ukelele, lead worship, and take her new pigs, Guinea and (eventually) Peach, everywhere with her around campus (such as to Halloween parties).